Thursday, March 8, 2012

Getting out of Nod and back to God. (Cain #3)

I have found grace in the eyes of the Lord.  In my life I have experienced His everyday, epic, everlasting and extended grace.

I experience His grace everyday that I wake up and breathe.  He extends his grace to me everyday. His mercies are new every morning and every day is new day of grace.  I love my Glory Days - bright blue weather, bright red leaves, the sunshine gives me a bright smile.  Glory days - the common, everyday grace of God that is far from common.  It is glorious.

I believed in Jesus as a little girl but at some point in my life I got confused and turned around. I was on the threshold between the land of God and the land of  Nod facing the darkness.  I hadn’t left the presence of God but  my focus was backwards.  Like Cain I became angry and downcast.  Talk about extra grace required, I had a very volatile temper, I was moody, I had jags of crying myself to sleep nights on end.  I was afraid and did not relate well to others. I lived in a gray world. Life was an upstream struggle all the way.  I lived this like this for about 30 years. In 1991 our 2nd son, Leroy (the Runner) died in an accident in my mother’s back yard.  A few weeks later I told my brother “If someone else is taking care of my kyds I am fine but if I have them I am in a panic.”  He said “You are blaming yourself for Leroy’s death, don’t do that.” So I had added the guilt of his death to the upstream struggle I was already having.  “Don’t do that”…but I  didn‘t know how to not blame myself .  Many months later, perhaps even a  year, I was driving down the road, and had this simple  thought: That is why Jesus died for me, I am not a perfect mother and I will never be a perfect mother.  Epic Grace. In that moment His grace flowed down and covered me. I knew that Jesus died for my sins but this was so real, so close to my heart so everyday relevant to my struggle . . . amazing.  I don’t remember crying or laughing or shouting or even telling anyone at the time but it was a quiet turning point.  A little light started to shine and I started to turn away from Nod and towards God.

Are you still wandering in the land of Nod?
Lost and yearning, away from God?

Are you cast down, your back to the light?
Weary and trembling facing the night?
Turn . . .
Behold!  the grace of God.
His everyday
everlasting  grace.


  1. When we have tasted of this Grace, does anything in all the world compare?! If only all those we know would grab hold of it and run forward into His arms and let Him be their fullness.

  2. we catch glimpses of His grace every day, too, but sometimes we don't slow down to savor them. thank goodness that God is patient with us.